"tomorrow's just your future's yesterday"

I used to love staying up to watch Craig Ferguson.  What a cheeky sexy devil.  Mind you, I didn't quite stay up.  I would fall asleep around 10 and wake up by 12:30 to give my mother her pills and watch the beginning of his show.  When L moved in, we always tried to at least catch the theme before bed. (Puppets!  "Hey!  Hey hey!")

Mom loved Craiggers (yes, that's what I call him), and she completely gave up watching Conan for Craig.  Then again, she only watched the beginning of Conan to see Max Weinberg's drum solo.  When Conan got shuffled off NBC, I didn't feel quite so guilty for "cheating" on him with Craig.  Craig just absolutely kills me.  His interviews are just so relaxed and conversational while often being naughty.  He really brings out the best in celebrities.

On the Friday night I took Mom to the hospital for a supposed non-emergency, she was a little upset because she barely got to watch TV in the ER.  It really was a boring and frustrating night, but we did talk a lot.  I stayed to make sure she was checked in her room properly.  It's weird because I never really did that before.  I just had an urge to stay.  She was happy because Letterman had just ended and Craig's theme filled the sterile room.  We both perked up because Neil Patrick Harris was the guest.  I was discussing all her medical history and restrictions while she watched that TV with the biggest smile.  By the time I got home, I was ready to pass out and in no mood to watch NPH, but I was glad she got to see something fun before bed.

The next day, she went into cardiac arrest and died.

I don't think I quite have a negative association with the show.  Me and L had happened to see part one of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows that afternoon, and we were watching part of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade before being called back to the hospital.  Mind you, that's one of my favorite movies in the history of the world, and it was hers as well.  It was almost crazy that it was on right before she passed.  Still, I don't have anything against watching these two movies.  She was watching Along Came Polly Saturday afternoon because she noticed Hank Azaria was in it.  Before we left, L made a joke about how great it would be if "Dr" Jimmy Smits walked in.  Her face lit up like a Christmas tree.  Later that evening, while I was leaning over her dying body and saying my final words to her, I ended up making a joke about how I was sorry the doctors weren't hot like House.  And then I was like, jesus christ, I'm making jokes up to the tragic end!

But that was just what she would want...Mom was always laughing and always fangirling.  Nothing made her happier in those final years than a good movie or TV show with one of her favorite actors.  I'll never forget when Gilles was on Dancing With the Stars because Mom was acting like a horny teenager whenever he came on (her words!).  Or when we'd drool over Bo Bice together and growl for Hugh Jackman.  TCM was her goldmine for Cary Grant marathons.  She would gasp loudly if I found a new Raul Esparza video or mp3 and order me to put it on.  It's how we were able to have quality time together.

Craig was our nighttime routine during the last year.  I can watch him without getting upset, but I just DVR good guests now that I've finally gotten on a normal sleep schedule.  It's just a reminder that my life is completely different now.  I don't have to take care of a bedridden mother and can come and go as I please.  Yet, it's still hard for me to adjust to that, and I sometimes slip into old habits. 

We had girl talk in the quiet ER while I gushed about Law and Order and Kyle MacLachlan.  She just smiled and truly listened like she did when I would turn into a motor mouth.  But then she gave me amazing advice I'll never forget in regards to my career.  She was still being a mother despite everything.  Her body was wearing down even more rapidly over the year, but she still just wanted to have fun with her only daughter in the only way we could.  So while I may not watch much Craiggers anymore, I feel good knowing that she was able to have laughter and big smiles during her last 24 hours on earth.