Ok, so apparently Clueless is the only thing I can quote from in regards to weight! In any event, I am very proud of myself because me and the bf went to the gym this evening where I burned over 300 calories in 35 minutes. That makes me feel so great! I'm working my way up to an hour because I don't want to overdo it and burn myself out. Today I posted a picture on Facebook that I made him take of me with the caption "3rd phase of weight loss begins now. No excuses." We may have eaten a lot of Italian food this weekend, but they weren't all bad decisions. Plus, I did cardio 3 times in a week, which is a really good start, especially for me. The first phase was diet only, the second phase was exercise only, and now I need to incorporate both! Hopefully I will reach that goal faster than I think. I just really have to knock down the carbs and increase the cardio. Easy peasy, right? Ha!
So on that note, I've decided to specialize in cupcake making! Funny, right? My supervisor joked, "That's great, Chris...start a diet and bake nonstop." I see her point, but I'm already becoming uninterested in chowing down on the finished results. Splitting one with my mom and spreading the goodness to others is fine! It's true though, you tend to be more interested in eating goodies that other people made, but I need to be very careful with that. Immersing myself in this project may be the best thing! I know I can bake well, it's a matter of trying new things, diversifying recipes, and learning how to do fancy frosting and decorations. I also want to try some personal healthier choices, like sugar free and gluten free in case I get those requests.
I found that I enjoyed baking when I was unemployed back in 2006. Now I make a variety of cookies every December for my friends, family, and coworkers. Cupcakes are more fun and you can make lots of fun displays, colors, and varieties. I'm starting to read people's blogs, research online for recipes, put two and two together about basic recipes, where to find good ingredients, and what goes well together. I bought one book called The Artful Cupcake and I might try to take a couple of those free classes at AC Moore. I just really need a hands-on creative hobby. I know I won't be anything like Magnolia or those fancy bakeries out there, but hey...who knows! I even have a name picked out for my potential side business (Buffy nerds would be very happy)...I would like to have my bf design the logo and I could put a sticker on the boxes. As of now they'll just be gifts or favors, but hey...who knows!
It makes me smile when I master something new like melting chocolate and add something new to my repertoire. I don't want to just give up when it gets hard, and that makes me very proud.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
"I feel like such a heifer. I had two bowls of Special K, 3 pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, 5 peanut butter M&M's and like 3 pieces of licorice. "
Nothing makes a long Friday shift better than feeling like bloated ass when you still have three never ending hours left.
The breakroom at my job is the typical office cliche in its abundance of carbs and sugar. This isn't good for someone with bad willpower like me. I'm not blaming my coworkers (or me, the burgeoning amateur cupcake pastry chef), I'm just blaming my lack of control. Weight is the one area in my life I haven't truly conquered and fear I never will. It's interesting how the beginning of fall always makes me motivated to seize control once and for all.
Two years ago, I went on Weight Watchers and lost 45 lbs over the course of 9 months. This is amazing, but I still had another 45 to go. While on my plateau, I joined the nearby independent gym and got a trainer whom I hit it off with from the start. Being assigned to her was serendipitous, and she helps me find inner peace during our weekly sessions. My strength, tone, and muscle increased greatly over a year which affected my arms, chest, legs, and face. However, I did gain some weight back and that stays right in my huge muffin stomach, which makes me look like a pregnant Oompa Loompa. It's the weirdest damn pear shape anymore. I look like I've swallowed an inner tube.
However, this is my fault. I may be strong and physically fit now, but the fat is still there. My trainer has been very patient with me but has said the only way I will get rid of that is through cardio. Consistency is key, even if I just go and do 30 minutes four times a week. It makes total sense and the gym is so very close to my house. What's holding me back?
The other bad thing is going off Weight Watchers. It worked for me for my initial goal, but I just wasn't a huge fan. Then signing up for South Beach....oy, there was a waste of money. (Note to self, cancel after the first quarter in October.) Focusing more on protein and veggies is really good for me, as carbs make me tired and loaded down, but South Beach is just ridiculous. If I can just eat lots of lean protein, less meat, good veggies, and whole grains while hitting the gym for cardio 4 days and strength 1 day, I would hit my second goal in no time at all.
What's holding me back? Why am I so scared? This morning freaked me out when my favorite skirt started getting tighter. I can still fit into my wardrobe and my upcoming bridesmaid dress looks great, but I can't keep on this spiral. Then came work where there were munchkins and soft pretzels...holy crap, why do I insist on making myself feel like I'm floating a baby beluga in my stomach? I was so upset with myself for giving in to my bad mood, and normally I would go home, eat dinner, and fall asleep early. Happily, I chose wisely today. I went home, immediately got changed, and went to the gym to ride the bike and walk the treadmill for a half hour. And guess what....I felt so much better. I shouldn't have had those damn organic cookies later, but I'm not going to split hairs. I didn't just go home and wallow in sadness, and that's the biggest accomplishment of all.
My bf is a member of the gym now as well, which is fantastic because we can go together sometimes. He also comes in on the last half hour of my training to motivate me and even participate in parts (she loves him). It's a 24/7 gym which gives me no excuse to just go and walk the day off. I sometimes get jealous looking over and seeing him jogging or doing like 20 pullups with no sweat, but I have to remember that Rome wasn't built in a day.
I wanted to hit all my goals by the time I turned 30, but I revised that. I've hit many goals, and I can't berate myself for what I haven't done yet. What's important is that I'm persevering through obstacles and easing my way back into consistent behavior. Weight will always be an issue for me, and it will fluctuate, but I just have keep healthy behaviors and not yo-yo. I have to love who I am, as I really do look the best I have since 1999. I have more confidence, learned how to dress and groom properly (rock t-shirts, ill-fitting jeans, and shapeless hair? Not the best choice for anyone, let alone an insecure fat girl), and I have a man who fell in love with me at my heaviest and accepts me no matter what. I will not die of a heart attack at 38 like my father, and I will eventually hit that number I've been looking for. Turning 30 means not giving up on my dreams while accepting myself no matter what. Easy to say, but for once I think I'm ready to do it.
The breakroom at my job is the typical office cliche in its abundance of carbs and sugar. This isn't good for someone with bad willpower like me. I'm not blaming my coworkers (or me, the burgeoning amateur cupcake pastry chef), I'm just blaming my lack of control. Weight is the one area in my life I haven't truly conquered and fear I never will. It's interesting how the beginning of fall always makes me motivated to seize control once and for all.
Two years ago, I went on Weight Watchers and lost 45 lbs over the course of 9 months. This is amazing, but I still had another 45 to go. While on my plateau, I joined the nearby independent gym and got a trainer whom I hit it off with from the start. Being assigned to her was serendipitous, and she helps me find inner peace during our weekly sessions. My strength, tone, and muscle increased greatly over a year which affected my arms, chest, legs, and face. However, I did gain some weight back and that stays right in my huge muffin stomach, which makes me look like a pregnant Oompa Loompa. It's the weirdest damn pear shape anymore. I look like I've swallowed an inner tube.
However, this is my fault. I may be strong and physically fit now, but the fat is still there. My trainer has been very patient with me but has said the only way I will get rid of that is through cardio. Consistency is key, even if I just go and do 30 minutes four times a week. It makes total sense and the gym is so very close to my house. What's holding me back?
The other bad thing is going off Weight Watchers. It worked for me for my initial goal, but I just wasn't a huge fan. Then signing up for South Beach....oy, there was a waste of money. (Note to self, cancel after the first quarter in October.) Focusing more on protein and veggies is really good for me, as carbs make me tired and loaded down, but South Beach is just ridiculous. If I can just eat lots of lean protein, less meat, good veggies, and whole grains while hitting the gym for cardio 4 days and strength 1 day, I would hit my second goal in no time at all.
What's holding me back? Why am I so scared? This morning freaked me out when my favorite skirt started getting tighter. I can still fit into my wardrobe and my upcoming bridesmaid dress looks great, but I can't keep on this spiral. Then came work where there were munchkins and soft pretzels...holy crap, why do I insist on making myself feel like I'm floating a baby beluga in my stomach? I was so upset with myself for giving in to my bad mood, and normally I would go home, eat dinner, and fall asleep early. Happily, I chose wisely today. I went home, immediately got changed, and went to the gym to ride the bike and walk the treadmill for a half hour. And guess what....I felt so much better. I shouldn't have had those damn organic cookies later, but I'm not going to split hairs. I didn't just go home and wallow in sadness, and that's the biggest accomplishment of all.
My bf is a member of the gym now as well, which is fantastic because we can go together sometimes. He also comes in on the last half hour of my training to motivate me and even participate in parts (she loves him). It's a 24/7 gym which gives me no excuse to just go and walk the day off. I sometimes get jealous looking over and seeing him jogging or doing like 20 pullups with no sweat, but I have to remember that Rome wasn't built in a day.
I wanted to hit all my goals by the time I turned 30, but I revised that. I've hit many goals, and I can't berate myself for what I haven't done yet. What's important is that I'm persevering through obstacles and easing my way back into consistent behavior. Weight will always be an issue for me, and it will fluctuate, but I just have keep healthy behaviors and not yo-yo. I have to love who I am, as I really do look the best I have since 1999. I have more confidence, learned how to dress and groom properly (rock t-shirts, ill-fitting jeans, and shapeless hair? Not the best choice for anyone, let alone an insecure fat girl), and I have a man who fell in love with me at my heaviest and accepts me no matter what. I will not die of a heart attack at 38 like my father, and I will eventually hit that number I've been looking for. Turning 30 means not giving up on my dreams while accepting myself no matter what. Easy to say, but for once I think I'm ready to do it.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
The most wonderful time of the year....
I may not know the joyous rapture of that classic Staples commercial yet, but fall will always be my favorite season. Though it may be the first day of September, this area is going back into the 90 degree weather for a bit, which really isn't helping my mood much.
I want to feel the crisp air and the smell of leaves and fireplaces beginning to reignite. I want to see the colors change and see the days turn into night faster. Well, I do miss the late sunsets, but even so it's ok as long as I get to put on my flannel jammies and curl up under the covers. I want to grab my favorite hoodies and go shopping for Halloween and Thanksgiving decorations. The farmers markets will be reopening along the road and we can gather mums and go pumpkin picking. I never actually carved a pumpkin until last year, which surprises me since I'm obsessed with the smell and flavor. Pumpkin bread, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin Starbucks treats, mmm. And don't forget that evil confection otherwise known as candy corn. It's so bad yet so good.
What's really exciting me is that this year is the first my boyfriend and I will be living together during the fall. It's our favorite season, and he's obsessed with Halloween so we'll truly have a rockin' yard. It was harder when he was just here on weekends, but we still got a pretty cool pumpkin graveyard going last year. We were also more focused upon the Halloween wedding I was in and gathering the pieces together for our Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett costumes. Yeah folks, we're delightfully macabre. It's going to be amazing to share this with him.
While decorating the house, we found one of Van Gogh's prints Wheat Field with Crows, and it sums up much of the darker aspects about fall that I find so appealing. I look at it and see the howling wind, the deep toned night sky, the harvest pushing against the wind, the Gothic crows surrounding the scene. It's just beautiful.
I'm also particularly fond of the opening credits to the movie Halloween 4. Don't groan, it's an excellent representation of classic fall symbols! The minimal music was a wise choice as it showcases the creepiness of these simple blowing decorations, scarecrows, and farmland. It's really more of a Midwestern representation, but you don't have to live on a farm to feel the ambiance and a shared memory. Books, movies, and TV shows that one grows up with often makes Halloween and fall within wide open spaces of land and small towns. Fall feels beautiful in the city and the lights and colors play off brilliantly against the buildings, but nothing is going to quite affect you as much as the sight or memory of going to the Mom & Pop drugstore to buy your costume.
Fall and Halloween brings out my inner nostalgia and as I got older I also learned to appreciate the sensuality of the crisp, multicolored, yet dark and howling season. Many memories flood me, whether it's the good old days of trick or treating on a block where people actually enjoyed the holiday, going and looking at a scarecrow arts competition in a nearby village during college, walking through NYC on my way to the annual Broadway Cares flea market, or stocking the store I used to work at with our multitudes of Halloween merchandise and listening to the amazing seasonal and spooky contemporary music (that I managed to recreate on my iTunes). If you need me this season, I'll be sipping on a pumpkin frapp while watching slasher movies in my navy cableknit hoodie.
I want to feel the crisp air and the smell of leaves and fireplaces beginning to reignite. I want to see the colors change and see the days turn into night faster. Well, I do miss the late sunsets, but even so it's ok as long as I get to put on my flannel jammies and curl up under the covers. I want to grab my favorite hoodies and go shopping for Halloween and Thanksgiving decorations. The farmers markets will be reopening along the road and we can gather mums and go pumpkin picking. I never actually carved a pumpkin until last year, which surprises me since I'm obsessed with the smell and flavor. Pumpkin bread, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin Starbucks treats, mmm. And don't forget that evil confection otherwise known as candy corn. It's so bad yet so good.
What's really exciting me is that this year is the first my boyfriend and I will be living together during the fall. It's our favorite season, and he's obsessed with Halloween so we'll truly have a rockin' yard. It was harder when he was just here on weekends, but we still got a pretty cool pumpkin graveyard going last year. We were also more focused upon the Halloween wedding I was in and gathering the pieces together for our Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett costumes. Yeah folks, we're delightfully macabre. It's going to be amazing to share this with him.
While decorating the house, we found one of Van Gogh's prints Wheat Field with Crows, and it sums up much of the darker aspects about fall that I find so appealing. I look at it and see the howling wind, the deep toned night sky, the harvest pushing against the wind, the Gothic crows surrounding the scene. It's just beautiful.
I'm also particularly fond of the opening credits to the movie Halloween 4. Don't groan, it's an excellent representation of classic fall symbols! The minimal music was a wise choice as it showcases the creepiness of these simple blowing decorations, scarecrows, and farmland. It's really more of a Midwestern representation, but you don't have to live on a farm to feel the ambiance and a shared memory. Books, movies, and TV shows that one grows up with often makes Halloween and fall within wide open spaces of land and small towns. Fall feels beautiful in the city and the lights and colors play off brilliantly against the buildings, but nothing is going to quite affect you as much as the sight or memory of going to the Mom & Pop drugstore to buy your costume.
Fall and Halloween brings out my inner nostalgia and as I got older I also learned to appreciate the sensuality of the crisp, multicolored, yet dark and howling season. Many memories flood me, whether it's the good old days of trick or treating on a block where people actually enjoyed the holiday, going and looking at a scarecrow arts competition in a nearby village during college, walking through NYC on my way to the annual Broadway Cares flea market, or stocking the store I used to work at with our multitudes of Halloween merchandise and listening to the amazing seasonal and spooky contemporary music (that I managed to recreate on my iTunes). If you need me this season, I'll be sipping on a pumpkin frapp while watching slasher movies in my navy cableknit hoodie.
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