I'm happy to report that I am now seeing a therapist to help with the grieving process. I feel there should be no shame in something so necessary. Therapy and counseling has been an integral part of my life since my father died in 1991. However, I was kinda burned with the process in 2000 and never really went back. I always debated whether to find support groups or books about being a caretaker or MS, but I never quite made that step. I had support from the lovely hospice group with my stepfather back in 2004, but I never made the extra leap. I figured, what better time than now! Lord knows that my emotions will go on a continuous roller coaster if I put this off.
My doctor recommended me to a very nice woman who works with the local hospital hospice group and runs her own private practice. She loves him too, so that was a big plus for me (I adore my doctor, he's just the greatest man). Our first session went well, and I look forward to this journey. I'm not going to hide the fact that this is very hard for me to deal with. I've never been apart from my mother, and this is just truly throwing me for an emotional loop.
It may sound weird, but I've been reading books from my "young adult" years again. That's something that I do every once in a blue moon, but it's been pretty intense lately. I don't see it as a sign of regression, simply revisiting my childhood years. And quite frankly, so many of these authors encouraged me to write. I don't know what I would have done without the presence of Judy Blume, Ann M Martin, and Lois Lowry in my young adolescence. I've found blogs, boards, and groups online where people discuss childhood books and lovingly snark on them and dig through thrift stores to find old copies they don't have. I've been thrift store hunting myself and have gotten some amazing finds (for .35 cents!). So many books I read were through the library, so my bookshelves are not as packed as one would think.
Anyway, I'd really like to discuss some of these on this blog. I don't intend to make it a huge focus, but it's fun to revisit old well worn books that I used to devour. (no, really, some are in tatters and quite fragile.) I actually think that this is me trying to find myself as a writer. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a manuscript that is easily readable and understandable while remaining entertaining. In fact, I think it takes a very talented author to pull this feat off. I'd love to some day have a book that is in well-read tatters in somebody's room.
**The title was a quote from an Alan Cumming article many years ago. Don't ask me to quote dates or publication, though back in 2000 I might have been able to....
