Well, I'm 30. For nearly a week now! And L gave me the best gift ever by watching tick Tick Boom! with me. I always knew I'd be watching that on the last night of my 20s, but little did I know that it would be with the man I love.
My trainer told me to wake up on my birthday and imagine myself on the top of a mountain with all of my 20s at the bottom while I held a victorious pose. I should just breathe and realize everything I've accomplished. It is true, some major life changes definitely happened during my 20s.
1. Found L and moved in together
2. Strengthened existing best friendships
3. Everything NY from friends to culture
4. Found my crunkboo girls
5. Finished college and began grad studies
It was definitely a memorable decade. However, I'm actually more excited than ever to embark upon this new one. The 20s were all about me making excuses in order to just slack off. That is a horrible way of living, and it truly got me down. Now when I wake up and see L everyday, I don't want to be living a passive life.
I want us to find better jobs and to feel more "stable" financially. I want to enjoy our activities together in our redone house. I want to spend time with all our friends and to get up to NY once in awhile. I want conventions to be a guarantee. I want to lose weight steadily so I don't feel unhealthy. Looking in the mirror, I feel pregnant. I need this weight off so whenever that does happen years down the line that it will be exciting to rub a big belly. I want to spend time with my friends kids and enjoy being an "aunt."
I want to spend more time with my ridiculously small family. Who knows how much more time they have...I can't take that for granted. I need to talk more with my grandmother, stay updated on her life, and learn a lot about her past. I need to spend more quality time with my mother and know that she's loved dearly no matter what and is not alone.
I need to take more responsibility and have the bills and housework going like a well oiled machine. It will only help me breathe. I want to really find a cardio activity that I relish doing so the weight will come off faster and my heart will stay healthy. I want to not feel guilty about getting my nails done and my hair colored...if anything, it should help me stay professional looking so I can find a better job. I want to stop validating my needs. I really do want to give myself a break.
I always thought I wanted the Hedwig Midnight Radio lyrics tattooed, but L was right when he pointed out what I truly wanted while singing "30/90." Look above to the title of this here blog. Damn right! It's so true.
"Into my hand now, the ball has passed. I want the spoils but not too fast. The world is calling, it's now or neverland, why can't I stay a child forever."
Interestingly, I also adore another part of the song that deals with Peter Pan and Wizard of Oz...hell, I worship the whole damn song, but this hits me as well:
"Peter Pan and Tinkerbell- which way to Neverland? Emerald City's gone to hell since the wizard blew off his command. On the streets you hear voices, lost children, crocodiles. But you're not into making choices, wicked witches, poppy fields or men behind the curtains, tiger lilies, ruby slippers- clock is ticking, that's for certain."
That's the one show I'll always regret never seeing Raul Esparza in. Christian Campbell and Colin Hanlon were good, but they can't even begin to compare to his performance. I'll always treasure that little slice of history I hold.
In any event, I'm going to learn to be less hard on myself. I'm not ginormous, and L loves me for who I am. I have to realize that I'm not a freak of nature and that I am beautiful. I am not ugly and gross and pathetic while going up and down in pursuit of my goal.
Turning 30 is only the beginning. If anything, I can shake the stupid out and finally be the grownup (but still silly) who I've always wanted to be.
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