I'm going to be 30 on Tuesday.
Yes, my boyfriend and coworkers made sure that everyone knew that before I went on vacation thanks to balloons and light-up buttons. I say I'm embarrassed, and I slightly am, but I'm really more touched that they care about making me feel like the center of attention.
And that's not something I usually care for. Some days, yeah, I'm the drama queen, the perfect hostess, the grand story teller, the showoff....but that's not quite so frequent. That's when I feel good about myself. Frankly, I rarely feel truly good about myself.
I watch my face widen and stomach expand again while everything else stays smaller. It's the strangest damn thing, but it's all from the training I'm doing while not being too smart about my diet. Cardio and sensible eating would blast this all away. But as I'm prone to do, there's always excuses, there's always something that comes up. And then I just bitch and moan about what a tub of lard I am, and everyone just LOVES hearing about that!
But maybe with 30 will come maturity. Maybe I've relied so much on being "young" and able to still "get away" with things that I've completely gone up and down and lost all sense of consistency in my life. Being a yo-yo in diet and emotions is what killed my father at 38. I've firmly said I don't want to be anything like that man. So now, on Tuesday, maybe I won't feel different per se, but I'll know that it is time to be a grownup. To keep my priorities in line and not let myself waste away.
I complain about the number, but the decade of 30 is apparently supposed to be an amazing one. I want to start it off right. I don't want to just be the same old lackadaisical brat who doesn't take care of herself. I want to feel and look confident and know that I'm on the way to making changes in my life, both in terms of looks, health, job, and time management. All of the above effects the people I love, and they deserve to have a happy lady for once, not a whining girl stuck in her head.
Learning to believe in yourself is often the biggest challenge of our lives. It is always easy to see the negative side of yourself, and then you have excuses not to challenge yourself, or to grow or to become the person you were meant to be.Hard as it may seem the best formula for living is taking each day as a gift that you welcome and cherish and make the most of. As we all know tomorrow is promised to no one.
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